England vs Scotland, 4:30 am, 1st October

Present: Cameron, Richard, Wez, Elisa, Kai and me.

Pre-match expectations: the build-up for this game consisted of watching the second half of Tonga’s enthusiastic and rousing (though ultimately unimportant) defeat of France in Sugar, accompanied by several ‘Jaëger Bombs’ and some Stella. Having been rudely turfed out before the match had ended, a litre of Stella was transferred home in a Coke bottle and everyone was in the mood for a slugfest.

Predictions: going on what the papers and everyone has been saying, I can’t see past a victory to England by 6-10 points.

Game: the conditions look terrible but both sides are noticeably fired-up and keen to set about the action, as are we: pints in hand and patriotic fervour at boiling-point. Chance ventures out in his boxers but swiftly returns to the safety of his room.

Half-time status: a torrid, messy, scrappy, generally rubbish game. I can’t tell whether Scotland are playing well or England are just crap. I think both teams are playing pretty badly actually. Dan Parks is a terrible kicker. So is Jonny Wilkinson (the sacrilege!). We could be up by three at this point, but thanks to Messers Cole and Wilkinson, the score reads 9-3 Scotland. We´ve also lost Kai, Elisa and Wez to the land of nod. If England have another half like that, we’re out.

Full-time status: glorious, wonderful, incredible rugby, the gift that keeps on giving. Scotland have stuffed it again, they really are becoming first-class chokers. After being ahead by six points for a long stretch of the second half, Jonny finally finds his feet and kicks us within distance, then gets replaced by Flood who loops a wonder pass to Ashton, who puts his head down and charges. The sound of Ashton breaking through the flimsiest of Scottish defences is the sound of Scottish hearts breaking in the New Zealand night. Meanwhile, our exultations in the sitting room wake up Elisa and Kai but fail to rouse Wez. The match finishes 16-12.

Man of the match: ooh. Croft perhaps, for being a really fast forward who saves an almost certain try. Or Flood, for setting up a try. Or Tuilagi, for being really big and fast. Or Ashton, for scoring his sixth try of the tournament. So many to choose from… Croft it is. Anyone but Wilkinson.

‘Food’: Jaëger, Stella, Corona, spicy Pringles

Conversation keywords: why are England so terrible? Variations on that theme.

Comments: at 4 am it was almost dawn; by 6:20 it was daylight. Loving Spring at the moment. Not impressed about being kicked out of a bar with 5 minutes to go of a match, though.